The Janitor
Medical Student
Scrubs, Crossover
Ratty
Posts: 14
|
Post by The Janitor on Apr 6, 2007 16:38:08 GMT -5
Scrubs Canon Character Application Name: The Janitor Position at Sacred Heart: Janitor Personality: Not evil, necessarily, but has a sadistic streak. Efforts are vastly under-appreciated by others. Appearance: Fairly tall. Short, brown hair. Wears a typical janitor outfit. History: Has worked at Sacred Heart for 13 years, the Janitor claimed that he became a Janitor fresh out of college and chose to work at a hospital to make a difference. Other: Always thinking up new schemes to terrorize J.D. Roleplay Sample: Ah yes, it was a wonderful day; the sound of laughing, the thrill of excitment, not to mention the strong fumes of bleech rising from the fleshly cleaned toilet. Janitor, the sadistic janitor of Sacred Heart Hospital leaned against his trusted mop. He grinded his teeth and pondered of what brilliant ways to catch J.D out. He'd tried wet floors, booby traps, and even once had some fun with a photocopier. He'd done it all before. He'd once tried something with rats but a certain 'Jail Break' had seized his chances. Perhaps slamming the door in that doctor's face or something else cruel and unfeeling would suit his fancy. Ah yes, it was going to be a wonderful day, if only he could ruin J.D's. Do You Want To Play This Character For The Crossover, Too?: Yes If Yes, Will You Be Willing to Give One of These RPs Up Should Another Auditioner Ask?: No, sorry.
|
|
|
Post by Lisa Cuddy on Apr 6, 2007 16:55:07 GMT -5
Stay away from campy, overly dramatic words like "'twas". Which, by the way, has an apostrophy in the wrong place. If I see a word like that, and I'm not saying this to be mean to you, just as a general note for everyone who may read this, I will literally stop reading.
Your sentences are... long. I mean. Really long. Run-on long. Try to imagine that the people reading your RP posts are doing so outloud. The longer your sentences go without a period, the longer they have to last without air.
That being said, I'm afraid I can't accept this audition as it stands.
|
|
The Janitor
Medical Student
Scrubs, Crossover
Ratty
Posts: 14
|
Post by The Janitor on Apr 6, 2007 17:03:34 GMT -5
Ah, sorry! I normally do that in a roleplay, I'll try to never do that again. As for the apostrophy, a simple yet horrible typo. I normally do that as it gets late over here. Apologies, but I get tired and drowsy very quickly, and, I've changed it hopefully to the forum's standards.
|
|
|
Post by Lisa Cuddy on Apr 6, 2007 17:13:02 GMT -5
Heh, it's okay. Still, I think you don't... quite... have the grasp on sentence structure that I'm looking for in RPers. I know that sounds picky but, ultimately... I am. So. I'm going to have to, once again, decline this application.
|
|
The Janitor
Medical Student
Scrubs, Crossover
Ratty
Posts: 14
|
Post by The Janitor on Apr 6, 2007 17:21:01 GMT -5
That's ok ^^ I'll work on it some more.
|
|
The Janitor
Medical Student
Scrubs, Crossover
Ratty
Posts: 14
|
Post by The Janitor on Apr 6, 2007 17:26:09 GMT -5
There, I modified it a bit, cutting out some bits and just adding stuff that I'd missed, but I'm not sure if that's ok or not now.
|
|
|
Post by Lisa Cuddy on Apr 6, 2007 17:37:24 GMT -5
Haha, okay. I generally discourage double posting, but I understand it here.
But since you won't be turned away, I'll have to give in. But I wonder... if it took my asking you to change specific things in your writing style for you to be accepted, how are RPs going to be? So I'm tentative about this, but there you go.
Welcome to Toxic Dependence. Be sure to read all of the rules, and reply to them where asked. Then you're free to post, and start your own RPs or join in on others. ^^
|
|
The Janitor
Medical Student
Scrubs, Crossover
Ratty
Posts: 14
|
Post by The Janitor on Apr 7, 2007 9:26:01 GMT -5
I really will try, promise. If my writing is not acceptable at any time, please tell me and I'll correct it. Thank you!
|
|